Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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