not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
