is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How external is "for external use only"?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
