Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
