all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
