Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If I die, sorry about rent.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
