Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
