know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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