Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
