It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
