One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
