so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
