I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
