whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
