My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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