i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
