I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
