Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
