i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
