Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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