He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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