hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
