Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
