Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
