ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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