xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The best revenge is premature balding
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
