the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
