Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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