I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
