I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
