So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She announced her abortion via fbk
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
