Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
