I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
