I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
