my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
