How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
