I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
