She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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