I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
