Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
