just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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