I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
