2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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