my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
