Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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