my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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