So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
