I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
