Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
