I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
